April 22, 2011
I’ve come to the conclusion that when it comes to relationships it is much easier to find a woman who wants to be in a relationship/marriage than it is to find a man who wants the same. Except in shows like How I Met Your Mother, you rarely find a fairly attractive, successful guy running desperately around the city trying to find the love of his life. However women have had books, plays and TV shows around this notion since at least the time of Jane Austin. I firmly believe that if a guy woke up one morning and decided that he was ready to be in a committed relationship it would not take him as long to encounter Ms. Right (or at least Ms. Seemingly Right) as it would for a woman.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying a man thinks it and so shall it be done. Monday if he says “Gee, I’d like to be in a loving relationship” it’s probably not going to happen by the end of the week. Maybe not in a few months but it’ll happen before big time frustration hits him. And he doesn’t have to change who he is, like society suggest women should, to make a relationship happen either. If a guy meets a girl, and he desperately wants to settle down, he will start from first date to do what he has to do to make it a relationship leading to marriage. If a guy wants it, it will come.
For women, the big lottery hope is that if you are a woman bent on being in a relationship, the easiest and best scenario is to meet a guy who is really wanting that too. A woman can cook, keep in shape and do all she needs to “secure” a relationship, but if she’s not with the guy mentioned in the previous paragraph she may have a battle on her hands to reach monogomy. Since most men don’t grow up playing pretend wedding the odds are against women that they are going to reach marriage at the time they thought they would and have to “manage expectations”.
And since society puts it on the man to make the decision when or if the two get married or become monogamous (via the proposal or the talk about the status of the relationship), we are left with even less control unless we buck tradition but that’s a strong hit or miss and for me not perferable, I want the whole on the knees ring please!
Now the reasons for this current state of affairs are many (urbanization, media, Playboy) and can be discussed at another time. But I will say this, we women should not have to bend over backwards in hopes that a guy will choose us if he is not doing the same for us (life is not a full time episode of The Bachelor). Men may hold more power but if they want a quality woman that doesn’t mean they can be lazy either because women still have the power to say no.