I remember coming across this Dear Abby question and saved it for later to discuss because the situation the writer presented and Abby’s response really struck me. In quick summary (see the full letter and response here), the writer is from another country and is having a hard time dating. The gestures he makes towards the women he dates are seen as too much and they break things off with him. By gestures I’m talking sending flowers to their jobs, buying a book in an area they mention being interested in and telling them he was in love with them after four months of dating. Dear Abby said he needs to slow things down.
Now this kind of bothered me because I find everything he did to be quite appealing in moderation and the only circumstance it wouldn’t be is if I wasn’t into him. But Abby didn’t suggest that, instead she thought he was moving to fast. This just seems odd to me. Moving too fast is getting me a ring after a month of dating or confessing your love after our first date. If a man takes the time to think of things that I would love based on my interest then I’m for it. And I’m still waiting for a guy to send flowers to my job, I don’t think it’s unprofessional. But is that just me? Or was this guy just going after the wrong girls?
If we think that romance or chivalry is dead, how much do we, women, have a role in that? If you demand a certain treatment, the hope is that you’ll get it. But if you don’t appriciate something eventually people will stop doing it- kind of like supply and demand.