If He’s Crazy He Will Come

Been a while, sorry folks, I just moved, been working on editing some writing of mine (excerpts to come) and getting ready for a big conference. However I had to come back and get on my soap box. What’s grinding my gears now? Apparently my new name is “Likes to Get Stalked By Crazy People”. I’ve had this affliction since I was in college. If there is a crazy person around, usually an indigent, I would attract him. It didn’t matter what I had on. I’ve been in a suit carrying a briefcase and had a dude off the street approach me to flirt. I’ve been out jogging, fully covered except my arms, and was half way home when I realized I was being followed by a homeless man. When I turned around and gave him my best Bmore girl glare, he turned around and walked away. I’ve had crazy men look at me on the subway and not look away just sit there and look at me the whole time.

Lessons I learned: when jogging, periodically always look behind you and keep your music down in your headsets. Always be aware of your surroundings so I am rarely one of those people on the train who is engrossed in my iphone or ereader (not that I have either). I need to know who is around me. It’s not paranoia, its learned behavior from past experiences.

At one point my dad gave me not one but two cans of pepper spray. However I never needed to use them when I moved outside DC in the suburbs. Unfortunately, pepper spray expires after a year so you have to keep getting new ones. I need a defense tool that doesn’t expire, like a baton!

Anywho, I thought my days of attracting the crazies and the ignorant were far behind me but atlas, God must have thought I was getting too lazy in my vigilance because in the past 7 days I have been followed by not one but two crazy people!

The first time, I was heading to a little shop down the street from where I live. I was at a light waiting to cross the street and a scary looking homeless man walked up near me. There was a man in between us and he saw the scary dude checking me out and decides to MOVE out the way! He will get his in the future. Anywho, I quickly cross the street as the scary dude starts walking near me and I go into the shop thinking I lost scary dude. NOPE, he pops up RIGHT BESIDE me asking me what the time was. I tell him the time, he tells me I’m beautiful, I thank him then quickly jet away as the store owner calls out for him to leave me alone (thanks, man).

Second time, I’m on the metro and another crazy dude gets on the car at the far end. He’s making a lot of noise and I start thinking of my exit strategy to another car so I can have a nice peaceful ride. Dude starts walking my way and I think, he couldn’t possibly be aiming for me. Just to make sure, at the next stop, I get off. AND CRAZY DUDE FOLLOWS ME, CLOSELY, ONTO THE NEXT CAR! Seriously! He sits down near me and wants to know why I switched cars. I place my Bmore glare back on and said “because I wanted to” and turn my back on him even though he is still mumbling to me. People are looking at me with pity. He eventually gets off.

My nerves are getting bad now, if I get my baton, I’m thinking the only thing that’s going to happen is I end up in jail for assaulting some innocent dude who was probably running up behind me to hand me some money that fell out my purse but better safe than sorry, so friends, start saving up some bail money!
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One comment

  1. What happened isn't funny, but how you wrote it is…… I thought I had it bad, but omg you take the cake !!

    I follow the same rules you have. I am almost paranoid about who is behind me.

    Fuck the baton, you need a gun !

    Like

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