That’s the title of a new game show I saw on the Chiller network and it, along with me recently watching the remake of Dawn of the Dead (my favorite horror movie) got me thinking: could I survive a real horror situation? Sure I’ve taken the quizzes and found I could survive and my love of horror movies has made me more “street smart” than normal but that doesn’t mean I would live through a real life zombie attack. Let’s look at some situations, shall we?
- Zombie attack- I live in the city. Soo I’m already doomed based on the sheer large people population. Usually folks fair better in the countryside or out in the middle of west nowhere. Assuming I could get out of my apartment and into my car alive, I’d drive to the least populated part of anywhere I could. I’d call fam and friends to tell them to do the same. The key is to keep it moving. Getting trapped in a mall is not cool. Staying in a barn house in the country typically gives you a fairer shot. Don’t get sentimental. If mom turns into a zombie, she isn’t getting a fairwell hug from me. Sorry playa! One thing I do need to learn is how to shoot or at least hold a machete. Running real fast will only help me out for so long…
- Alien attack- I think I’m a gonner here. Alien attacks typically happen (in the movies) in the most populated cities in the world. I live in the DC area. Even if I survived the Independence Day like bombing of the capital, getting out in the traffic that would occur as a result of alien ships hoovering over us would be insane. I’d have to go on foot. Assuming I could hide from the aliens while getting away, I might have a chance. But I’m no Sigorney Weaver. If I see a scary alien, I would run for my life. If a little girl gets grabbed by one of them, I would not go back to get her. Maybe if she was family, maybe…mostly probably not though.
- Outbreak or Pod people invasion- Like the above but I’d have the least chance of survival. Too many darn people around and I ride the metro which is prime past-your-germs-around arena. I try not to touch anything but it can be hard. Yeah, unless I have a strong immune system I don’t think I would make it. Since I’m always around folk I could see becoming a victim of body snatching as well. Darn!
- Haunted House- I think I’d live here. I don’t like to investigate things so if something strange happens I’m out. In high school I remember being out with friends and two of them started running past us. I took off running with them. I had no idea why we were running but when we got to “safety” then I asked. Turned out to be a loose dog. I never looked behind me. I just know they were scared and therefore so was I. I don’t play around. And if I find chairs stacked up on my table like Poltergeist, I’m moving. I don’t care how it happened. It will remain a mystery of life for me to think about in my new home. If my husband didn’t want to leave, he can stay…alone. If you’ve seen any horror movie, 9 times out of 10, the spirits don’t start causing foolishness until the dad is away. Dads are always the last to know and when they do, it’s when all hell has broken loose. I’m not waiting for that. Holla!
- Monster/Oversized or Rabid animal- I’m not sure here. I’m a runner not a fighter. I’d fight if pushed but I’m not going to be the one to come up with the plan to capture it. I break out in a sweat just killing a bug forget fighting off Cujo. My plan will likely be to get out. If I can’t get out, then lets set up some defenses and hide.
- Crazy killer- I’d like to think I’d live here too. Here’s what I know not to do: if you hear a noise or enter a dark house/room- don’t say “hello”. Don’t say anything. Why do you have to announce your presence to the killer? In fact, just don’t go in, it’s dark in there. Keep it moving. Also, if he’s chasing you, don’t run up the stairs, might as well just walk for all that. If you hear a noise- don’t ignore it. I live alone, if I hear noises and it isn’t my cat or a neighbor and nothing I know about, I won’t shrug and keep going. If the source of the noise is unknown, I’d grab a weapon and either hide or get out. Finally- don’t split -the -heck- up. If you aren’t pressed for time just stay together and search the grounds. Sure it’ll take longer but typically more people will have a better shot at surviving. Jason typically killed people one at a time not in a group…
- Ghost- It’s a toss up here. If its like the kind in the Haunted House, I could make it but if its like the child from The Ring, eh. I mean, I’d pass on the tape to another but then again, I wouldn’t watch random crap either. If she was haunting my child, I might research how to get rid of her. Call up an exorcist and Zelda from Poltergeist.
- Random- Things I don’t do in general that would probably keep me alive:
- play out in the deep end of natural waters (Jaws),
- go out in or explore uncharted or less populated woods/caves/planets/basements (too many movie examples here),
- run off with strangers in foreign countries (Hostel),
- call up spirits (Candyman),
- ignore the words of people I know, including children (how many movies did a person die after a kid or friend warn them not to do something? Mimic, Final Destination. No need to be gullilble but at least be cautious),
- investigate (that’s what the cops and soldiers are for),
- go up to or stick around weird looking people (if someone looks off (bloody mouth, odd stance or composition, glazed eyes) I don’t want to ask them if they are okay, I can check that out and call 911 from a safe distance)
Good luck out there and stay away from Bath Salts!