Me and my girls

Just finished watching one of my all time favorite friend movies, Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion. I adore a good gal pal movie. Maybe it’s because I’ve never had friends on the level I see in these movies. Not to say my friends aren’t great but there is a level of closeness or “ride or dieness” that I haven’t had with my friends since probably college. As an adult I still need my girls but the reality is there are more distractions as adults. We have jobs, move, get married, have babies. And we just don’t remain as close anymore.
So, when I see that a god girlfriend movie is on, I have to stop and watch and smile. Here are some of my top ones and why:

  1. Romy and Michelle’s High school Reunion: they were two peas in a pod and had each other’s backs. Even when they had a spat it ended quickly when one of them was in trouble. They got over the judgment and accepted each other as is. True friends don’t hold grudges for long.
  2. Sex and the City: so the sequel sucked but the first was still awesome to me. I loved how they dropped everything and came to Carrie’s aid when she got left at the alter by Big. Even leaving to go out of the country with her. And who can forget Carrie getting out of bed on NYE night and taking the subway all the way from Manhattans to Brooklyn to be with Miranda when she was feeling blue from her separation from Steve.
  3. Waiting to Exhale: I can’t recall, did these women ever fight with each other? They were there for one another and that was all that mattered. And who doesn’t love a good glass of wine, some music and some girl talk with your friends?
  4. Steel Magnolias (the original): young or old, rich or poor, these women were true blue and tight like glue and were there for each other when tragedy stuck.
  5. Thelma and Louise: drove off a cliff together, nuff said (btw- I wouldn’t do that for my closest gal pal)
  6. The Color Purple: Not sure if this was meant to be a girlfriend movie but it is to me. It shows how through tough times and bad situations the strength of female friendship can triumph. And who doesn’t cry at the end when the sisters hand clap in the field. sniff sniff
  7. Beaches: they were friends as kids, fell apart, came back together and were with each other to the end.

Any movies I’m missing?

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Bite Sized: The Randomness of it All

Stream of thought:

If I stick to my calorie restrictions on my new diet but a good portion of those calories come from junk food, will I still lose weight?

This commercial makes me laugh every time:

Did Beyoncé lip sync at the inauguration? If so, does it really matter?

I really want to see that new horror movie Mama, especially because it was number one in the box office this past weekend. But now that I live on my own I am not inclined to watch many horror movies which is driving me crazy because I LOVE scary movies but I also have a strong imagination and two cats that make noise in the night…

I would never wear a sew in weave while traveling overseas because if, like in Lost, my plane crashed on a mysterious island and I was stuck their for months or years who would take out my weave?!

Goodnight

Are we desperate?

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Had to start my post all Carrie-from-Sex-and-the-City like by posing a question. Here’s what promoted me to ask this question. Was told my a male associate that it’s easier to tell a woman in her thirties what she wants to hear because we are all desperate to get married. Therefore all a guy has to do to get what he wants from a woman is to lead her down the marriage road even if he is not seriously in love with her but, instead, might have other motives. In sum, the 30 something woman is easier to attract because of her ticking clock.

This bothered me because regardless  of my desire to get married I am not desperate. I’ve been through a lot in my relationship history and I’d like to believe that I can now see through the BS someone throws at me. My senses are no longer drowned out by some booming biological clock.

Further, my standards don’t need to take a dive off a cliff just because I’m in my third decade of life. I am finding that males seem perturbed that I am slightly picky in my dating life. What, because I’m in my thirties I should take whoever comes to me? Fortunately, times haven’t gotten that tough for me. But it seems some men think it has simply because of my age group…grumble grumble

How to lose weight without even trying

Seriously, how do you do that? Just as I was beginning to think I was making some headway into weight loss, I go to the doctors only to have her tell me what I already know, I’m overweight. Now by looking at me you may not think so, I’m a size 8 (on a good day a size 6), I jog and lift weights, blah blah blah but my body mass index (bmi) puts me in the overweight category.

I’ve increased the intensity of my workouts to get better results and see that my arms and legs are more toned than ever but the weight has not come down as much as I would like. The doc is telling me if I lose 10-15 pounds then I’ll be at a normal weight (side note, that’s normal weight not average weight as most of the U.S. female population averages at around 160ish pounds).

I’m secretly hoping its a thyroid issue which is what my doctor is mildly considering based on some other symptoms I gave her when I saw her. So I’ll be getting tested for that. I mean I did gain most of my weight AFTER I took up running.

But the reality probably is that since I crossed over to the dirty thirty my diet has not. My love of all things carb is just not dying down but it needs to because my metabolism has apparently decided to go on strike. So, le sigh, it seems that this workout warrior must now also become a diet diva. I have got to change my eating habits to include less carbs. But it’s so hard. I only have time to cook on Sundays and I usually make two dishes and rotate between that and some healthy choice/lien cuisine/smart one type meal. Then I mix in a couple of salads. I need help shaking it up that doesn’t involve more of my time in the kitchen.

And when I see a piece of candy or a cookie, I break out in a sweat. My will power is better during the weekday but the weekends? At least I cut down on fast food successfully (I had some Chik-fill-a the other day and it made me feel sick so I think me and grease are pretty much strangers again). And don’t get me started on cocktails. I do a two drink maximum when I go out but I like my fruity (aka sugar heavy) drinks. But they gotta go. I was recommended doing white wine or vodka/diet club soda. ZZZ boring but, it seems,  that must be the way I go. Because by spring, this girl plans to have dropped at least 10 pounds and I WILL fully run a 5k. If you have any tips, please share.

Whould you?

Go to a therapist to repair a friendship? There is relationship counseling and family counseling but what about friendship counseling? I heard on the radio that more people are going to counseling to mend friendships and I’ve seen this done on TV shows (Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Golden Girls) but I wonder if its really worth it.
People go to marriage/family counseling because there are things at stake, a marriage, a parent/child relationship, that if broken could cause long standing harm. But if I have a problem with a girlfriend do I want to shell out dough to be friends again? I mean isn’t there something to the saying about being friends for a season? At what point does a friendship become worth mending?
Well, I venture to say that a friendship is worth working to maintain if the friend was like family or even held the role of family if you are living somewhere with no family (I mean how would those Sex and the City women survive in New York without each other, rarely did you see their family in all 6 seasons, same with Friends).
It’s also worth it if you’ve known each other for a long time. A long time could be decades or a few years but whatever is enough for that person to have been planted long enough in your life to have many long lasting memories and whose presence could not be replaced quickly or easily.
It’s worth it if what broke you up was not something serious. If your home girl cheated with your boyfriend, well, I don’t care if we’ve known each other since elementary school; the friendship is dead. But if it was a misunderstanding, an argument, I think it’s worth working on. If you’d work on it with your man, then work on it with your girl.
One thing to note is that if a friendship feels like it has run its course, just naturally, then don’t force it to stay close or find another way to keep in touch. Sometimes we have friends that we relate to differently. I have friends that I was joined at the hip to in college and we aren’t now but I we still connect via Facebook and we might meet up once in a blue moon, maybe with years passing by. I have friends that got married but that doesn’t mean I don’t invite them out or do different types of outings with them (everyone loves a good brunch!)
In sum, I do think, for the most part, that friendships are worth investing in, even for a therapist. Because like a good man (or woman) they are hard to come by and unlike family, we DID have a choice to have  a relationship with them, so we might as well work it out!

The Cathy Project

A little over a week into my resolutions and I’m going semi strong. Dropped five pounds but my eating could be much better. I just have an addiction to chocolate and salt that cannot be denied. It was suggested that I try grapefruit to snack on but that seems just wrong. So, yeah back to the drawing board.
My working out is still hardcore, for me that is, but it’s not getting easier. At what point does running stop being exhausting, I’d like to get there now please! I mean the other day I had to do an internal pep talk and do boxing jabs to keep myself from falling out during my jogging. Then I got nasueas on the ride home. Perhaps I’m doing something wrong…

On the going out alone front I did go to a bar alone…for like 15 minutes then I met up with a friend. Ok so maybe I didn’t give it my best effort but I have to say being at a bar alone is a lesson in awkwardness. You sip your drink, look around, check your smartphone, rinse and repeat. A friend told me not to go to a bar a
One on a Friday or Saturday or during happy hour. So I go…on a Friday at happy hour. My failure to listen to her only made me feel like a sucker. The theory is to go when it’s slow and chat up the bartender or another soul out there alone. When I went I was surrounded by a bunch of groups of friends and pairs. So I just looked sad. But I won’t give up. I will try again. This weekend, on a Sunday.

Bite Sized: One of those days…

Today was a rough one for me. Woke up too early for no reason and by the time I fell back to sleep the alarm rang. Got to work and today was a rough one, dealt with angry, rude and bothersome situations all day. Got to the gym for a much needed stress reducer only to have my ipod not work. Went to the apple store, low and behold, it started working as soon as I walked in the door. Decide that since I have gone out of my way to go to the mall for the apple store, I might as well look around. Ended up going to a salad shop and ordered a very tasty salad. When I got home, found out that I was given the wrong salad. Tried to eat it, it was gross. Le sigh.

But I know I’m being tested because of my new goal to think positive so all in all, I can say this about my day: I got out of work on time (which is a rarity for me) and had a lunch break (also rare) and hey, my ipod still works, money saved – ching ching!

Everything I need to know I learned from reality TV

Okay that’s not exactly true but I swear it gives some good inside tips on relationships. I’ve watched Housewives of Atlanta, Basketball wives, Braxton Family Values, Millionaire Matchmaker, Kardashian shows… and here are the top tips I learned about guys/relationships from the foolishness that I witness:

  • a man who is indifferent to you and unaffected by your emotions is one who really doesn’t care and/or is probably on the verge of being over you (Housewives of Atlanta)
  • a man who messes up but is willing to do everything possible to win you back including getting  publicly insulted and changing his whole way of being over a long period of time is one that might be serious about getting back with you (Braxtons)
  • a man that has many women friends is a man you might want to think twice about (Basketball wives)
  • a man who doesn’t listen and instead only does what he thinks you would want (but which is really something to please him) is an arrogant jerk (Matchmaker)
  • a man who drinks too much, parties to hard and is an “attention whore”, is not ready to settle down (Kardashians)
  • sometimes men don’t realize the error of their ways until you kick them to the curb (Housewives, Braxtons)
  • a man who puts up with your foolishness is a good man (Braxtons)
  • a good man will appreciate a woman who is his greatest fan (Kardashians)
  • rushing into marriage can be bad…but it also can be good, the key is to make sure you are going into it for the right reasons (Kardashians)
  • if a man disrespects you in front of others, don’t get back or stay with him, he is not protecting your wellbeing (Basketball, Housewives)
  • a man who quizzes you on a first date is, again, arrogant, and not worth your time. He is too focused on what you can do for him instead of what he can do for you; it should be mutual. Asking about past relationships is just too personal for a first date (Matchmaker)

Bite size addition

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Welcome to a new short post which I will do from time to time which I call bite sized (or fun sized) posts).

I really like my apartment. The only thing that would make me pack up screaming and running, besides an infestation (obsessed with that show btw) and ghosts, is a bad neighbor. So  every Saturday morning between 730 and 830 am my neighbor below loves to cook what I can only believe is roasted poo sprinkled with gas with a side of burnt chitlins. This smell then floats it’s butt up to me and smacks me in my face awake. It also fills the hallways below.

There is no escape, an open window only helps a little and that sucks to do in the winter.

I have spoken to property management and they spoke to her and it stopped for months, right into me renewing my lease. Now guess who’s back? Last week my property manager finally smelled it for herself and was appalled and said she would do something. Cool, meanwhile, I was up early this Saturday to avoid passing out from the stench so was anything done?

How will this (nonviolently) resolve? Suggestions…other than putting a bag of flaming poo on her welcome mat (she might think it’s food)?

The Cathy Project

So …been a while I know, no excuses, life just side tracked me. But with the new year I am determined to have a fresh start and do some different things this year. Which is why I have titled this post in respect for a TV show I love about another curvy brown girl in her early thirties going through life changes, The Mindy Project. So I’m not sure the show really mirrors my life but it’s a good catalyst for my goals this year.

Three days in and I haven’t accomplished much except locking myself out of my apartment, cleaning cat vomit off my floor (note to self, cats do eat ribbon from gifts so clean up better) and nearly passing out in the street from jogging in 30 something degree weather. But I’m hopeful because I have goals and I can’t give up now.

So what, you ask, does the Cathy Project consist of? Well, let’s see:

Losing 10-15 pounds, I gained weight in my last relationship. I’ve already dropped three so I’m encouraged. Popeyes chicken, pizza hut and M&Ms were fake friends.
Run a 5k. Over the summer I ran/walked a 5k in 38 minutes, let’s see if I can run it all in 30…
Travel. I’m going to Amsterdam, Ireland and Mexico. Should yield some fun stories.
Do things alone that I haven’t before such as, going to a spa, out to eat, to a bar,travel.
Find love again, I was told by someone that they foresaw this being the year I meet my husband, yes please!
Work on getting published. I have two finished novels, it’s time to get them moving even if self published.
Be happier. It’s so easy for me to grumble but a friend suggested I start a happy jar and put in the jar happy things that happen to me for me to go back to when I’m feeling low. As the lazy girl that I am I have to wonder if there is an app for that…

These are just a few of the to do list for the year. Stay tuned for my first new activity…going out to a bar alone…