If I were a boy

Things I learned from guys that I would so like to be able to do when dating. Now I know these are generalities but bear with me here:

  1. Get in an argument and not obsess over it after
  2. Be on my own schedule
  3. Not sweat the allegedly “small stuff”
  4. Not be bothered with spending money on cute under garments and night gowns
  5. Call you back hours later after telling you I’d call you right back and not care that it would make you mad
  6. Say whatever’s on my mind and in the way I want to say it
  7. Wear flat shoes when I go out at night and still feel sexy!
  8. After I eat too much, unzip my pants and sit on the couch and not care

Things I like about being a girl and dating:

  1. Playing dress up
  2. Not always fitting the bill (I will from time to time)
  3. Being looked out for
  4. Sometimes getting my way just by smiling (or wearing the right outfit)

Although my girl list is shorter, I still think I prefer the girl style of dating but I am working on the good things about the boy style of dating to take for myself. Man, what my world would be like if I stopped caring if a guy called me back. Do guys stare at their phones willing their girlfriend to call them like they show women doing in the movies? And if not, how do they just turn it off and not care? Seriously though, how? It’s a mystery…

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Psst, fellas

I’m no expert on dating but as a woman who has dated for more years than I care to share if I had to give advice to men, both superficial and deep, about what women want, like and need, I’d have to share this list. Again, this is just me and I am pretty sure a good amount of women, although not all:

  1. A good suit- not just any suit, not some baggy suit, not some maroon or lime colored suit, not some long jacket Steve Harvey suit. I’m talking about Justin Timberlake “Suit and Tie” well tailored suit in black, gray, navy or fine (not those wide) stripped suits. I mean, darn, a guy in a well tailored suit just looks awesome. So if I’m at a happy hour and you just came from work in your Suit and Tie, I might give you a few double takes. I like it, I like it a lot.
  2. Follow through- it’s so darn simple but so hard for some folk. If you say you gonna call, CALL! If you are running late, let me know! I don’t care what you say, must I say it? ACTIONS speak LOUDER than words! If you are a man of your word, trust she will have less to complain/nag you about.
  3. Plan something- If you call a woman for a first date, the day of, and say “hey baby, let’s go out to dinner at 7” and it’s 6pm! Uh-uh, not going to happen. I am worth the planning, especially for the first date! And to assume I don’t have anything else to do but wait for your call is insulting. If you are interested in me so are others so you shouldn’t assume I have nothing going on. Make a girl feel special.
  4. Arrogance v. Swag- Arrogance- no. Swag- yes. It’s a fine line but a line none the less. Let’s be honest, you think Beyoncé would be married to Jay-Z if he had no swag? But cockiness is not cute on anyone. Have confidence but don’t be rude or annoying. Be a gentleman and don’t come with the games.
  5. Attention- we women need it. Obviously if you are watching the game (any game) and we decide to talk to you about how much our friend Becky pisses us off when she keeps talking about her bad behind kids you might not be interested. But if we are out on a date with you and you are busy checking your text and email or checking out the girl who just walked past, you have lost me. If I have to say “are you listening to me”, it does not look well for you.
  6. Grooming- teeth- fix em, nails- file em, hair- trim/cut it, body- eat a veggie or two and hit the gym once in a while to at least keep a healthy heart (you don’t have to look like Dwyane “the Rock” Johnson…unless you want to, I mean I won’t try to stop you)

I can probably think of some more but I think this is good for now!

You know you are getting older when…

I’ve been going out a bit more recently with new (and old) friends and I’ve come to realize something about myself and nightlife…I’m getting old. And although I don’t look it (no laughing) sometimes I just feel that, like Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon, “I’m too damn old for this s%$#”. Some things I’ve noticed that have highlighted my more “mature outlook” on life:

  1. Crowds- I don’t like em. When people bump against me I feel like fighting, especially when they don’t say sorry or excuse me.
  2. RSVP tables- So I got to pay $300 plus to have a darn seat? I can sit for free at home so that is where I shall go. My feet hurt.
  3. FMH shoes- Known as F&*% Me Heels. I have some high platform pumps but I will only wear them on a date where I can sit down. I see all these young chicks coming in the lounge with high heels and short dresses and I all I can see is the pain forget the cute look. Give me a kitten heel or boot and I’m good and if I dare wear a heel over 2 inches then I’m packing foldable flats. #bunionsaintcute
  4. Loud music- How can you have a conversation and meet people? Gone are the days where I’m going to give my number to some dude simply after sharing a dance or two. I want to talk to you and engage to help me determine whether I like you or not. A smile and a two step is not enough. Turn the music down!
  5. Taking Pictures- I used to do this all the time when going on and if there is a special occasion or I’m on vacation then I will still remember to do so. But now if I’m going out “just because”, I don’t take pics anymore, no matter how fierce I look. But I want to. I need to keep documenting my fabulousness so I can prove to my future kids that at one time I was the hotness!
  6. Parking- I don’t like having to walk blocks and blocks from my car to get to the bar/lounge. I will gladly pay valet now to avoid that pain filled walk at the end of the night in my heels to my car. I’m grown, I can afford it…within reason.
  7. Late night noshing- can’t do it anymore. Gone are the days where I can grab a slice after a night of partying and not expect to look like a contestant on the Biggest Loser. Party’s over, and so is eating until the morning!
  8. Young boys- I am now old when I am not concerned about getting hit on by a “dirty old man” but instead a little boy (aka 20 something). Yes it’s flattering but come on! I just got hit on by a Chris Brown looking child the other day and I was so astonished I called him boy. Okay, I know it was wrong and I’ll do better but he looked like a child. “Ain’t nobody got time for that”.
  9. Saturdays- So some of my friends and I have determined that perhaps Saturdays are not for people over 30 unless we are out on a date. If you don’t want to be drowned out by 20 somethings drunk and stepping on your toes then maybe the night for you is a Thursday or a happy hour on a Friday into the night. I just don’t want to be the angry chick in the club holding her coat and purse tight to her because she isn’t feeling the crowd. Sometimes you gotta know when to call it quits. (Side note, I asked my mom what night is good for the 50 and up crowd now and she said Monday or Tuesday, haha, makes sense, many of them are retired now so they can party any night!)
  10. 12am- That’s my goal. Yes, I now have a goal to how late I will force myself to hang out because my old behind is quite fine with falling asleep by 10 on a Friday night, which feels a bit sad. I don’t feel like a loser if I get home by 12. I feel I have accomplished my goal of being cool by getting home that time. Any earlier and I am officially old. (As reference, my mom said she was out hanging late when she got home by 9 soo). It used to be that if I was in bed before 2am on a Friday or Saturday something went wrong. If that happens now, well I’ve had one heck of a night!