You know you are getting older when…

I’ve been going out a bit more recently with new (and old) friends and I’ve come to realize something about myself and nightlife…I’m getting old. And although I don’t look it (no laughing) sometimes I just feel that, like Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon, “I’m too damn old for this s%$#”. Some things I’ve noticed that have highlighted my more “mature outlook” on life:

  1. Crowds- I don’t like em. When people bump against me I feel like fighting, especially when they don’t say sorry or excuse me.
  2. RSVP tables- So I got to pay $300 plus to have a darn seat? I can sit for free at home so that is where I shall go. My feet hurt.
  3. FMH shoes- Known as F&*% Me Heels. I have some high platform pumps but I will only wear them on a date where I can sit down. I see all these young chicks coming in the lounge with high heels and short dresses and I all I can see is the pain forget the cute look. Give me a kitten heel or boot and I’m good and if I dare wear a heel over 2 inches then I’m packing foldable flats. #bunionsaintcute
  4. Loud music- How can you have a conversation and meet people? Gone are the days where I’m going to give my number to some dude simply after sharing a dance or two. I want to talk to you and engage to help me determine whether I like you or not. A smile and a two step is not enough. Turn the music down!
  5. Taking Pictures- I used to do this all the time when going on and if there is a special occasion or I’m on vacation then I will still remember to do so. But now if I’m going out “just because”, I don’t take pics anymore, no matter how fierce I look. But I want to. I need to keep documenting my fabulousness so I can prove to my future kids that at one time I was the hotness!
  6. Parking- I don’t like having to walk blocks and blocks from my car to get to the bar/lounge. I will gladly pay valet now to avoid that pain filled walk at the end of the night in my heels to my car. I’m grown, I can afford it…within reason.
  7. Late night noshing- can’t do it anymore. Gone are the days where I can grab a slice after a night of partying and not expect to look like a contestant on the Biggest Loser. Party’s over, and so is eating until the morning!
  8. Young boys- I am now old when I am not concerned about getting hit on by a “dirty old man” but instead a little boy (aka 20 something). Yes it’s flattering but come on! I just got hit on by a Chris Brown looking child the other day and I was so astonished I called him boy. Okay, I know it was wrong and I’ll do better but he looked like a child. “Ain’t nobody got time for that”.
  9. Saturdays- So some of my friends and I have determined that perhaps Saturdays are not for people over 30 unless we are out on a date. If you don’t want to be drowned out by 20 somethings drunk and stepping on your toes then maybe the night for you is a Thursday or a happy hour on a Friday into the night. I just don’t want to be the angry chick in the club holding her coat and purse tight to her because she isn’t feeling the crowd. Sometimes you gotta know when to call it quits. (Side note, I asked my mom what night is good for the 50 and up crowd now and she said Monday or Tuesday, haha, makes sense, many of them are retired now so they can party any night!)
  10. 12am- That’s my goal. Yes, I now have a goal to how late I will force myself to hang out because my old behind is quite fine with falling asleep by 10 on a Friday night, which feels a bit sad. I don’t feel like a loser if I get home by 12. I feel I have accomplished my goal of being cool by getting home that time. Any earlier and I am officially old. (As reference, my mom said she was out hanging late when she got home by 9 soo). It used to be that if I was in bed before 2am on a Friday or Saturday something went wrong. If that happens now, well I’ve had one heck of a night!
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