The Top 10 DMV Guys We’ve Dated

As a spin off of this article, I wanted to piggy back and give my take. Dating in the DC/MD/VA (or DMV) can bring its own set of challenges for both men and women. I am not as well versed in the things my male counterparts may say about the women they date, but I see a theme in some of the guys my friends and I have dated. I therefore, present a spin off list: Top DMV Guys We’ve Dated (this is done more for comedy and obviously I don’t think these are the only types of guys in the area or that they are one sided).

  • Lives at home guy- No judgment here, the rent is too darn high and buying a house? Fugetaboutit, unless you don’t mind living outside of DC area (most of my friends who own, own in Prince Georges or Baltimore). Without knowing this information, most people would raise both eyebrows when meeting a guy in his thirties who lives at home or lives with roommates. But, ok, there is a limit to how long that it remains a good look. No one wants to crash at the dudes house and then wake up to somebody’s mama in the kitchen. Unless she’s cooking, because I’m sure it’s good and I don’t live that close to my mom. I’m just saying.

  • Lives far away guy- You live where? I never even heard of that town. How far is it? How often do you come to DC? The DMV is unique because of the layout. One can live in PG county, MD and be minutes from Alexandria, VA and yet take an hour to get to parts of Montgomery County, MD which is close to Arlington, VA and they are both close to DC. Confused? Yeah, me too. When I meet someone that says they are from Mitchellville, MD or Reston, VA, I shrug, no idea of how far that is. I just ask how far they are from DC.

  • The “busy” guy- DC is full of people grinding and that’s not a problem but some people are so busy their excuses sound nonsensical. They forget to get back to you because they were on a business call at 10pm…on a Saturday or don’t show up or are late to an event because they were helping their friend build a bridge, who knows, it all sounds sketchy. What are you hiding? Not everyone can work for an Olivia Pope, Secret Service or CIA. Wait, this is DC, maybe they can.

  • The afro-centric guy- DC, for all its white collar politicos, is also full of hippies. And those hippies want you to know they are hippie. Most of these guys reside in the suburbs and are found a-plenty in Baltimore. They are known to play the African drums somewhere and just might be a vegan. They might not even drink alcohol. All about clean living. I like dating these guys. I lose weight with them because I don’t like to be shame faced as I eat my chicken wings!

  • The flirt guy- They call themselves extroverts, promoters of something or other and networkers, but c’mon now, they are flirts. Because sir, you didn’t strike up a conversation with the dude next to you at the bar, it was the woman. And hey, with the female to male ratio in DC being so unbalanced, guys have it a little easier because the odds are high that someone will flirt back. But when you have a girl (or a wife)- not cool. Put your ring on and go home! There is not always something better just because there are so many people here. Love the one you with!

  • The status guy- You can’t be in DC/VA without running into this guy. He wants the big house, shiny car, best job and he wants you to know he has it. And he wants you to have some of these too because he’s not looking to take care of someone. He wants the Claire to his Heathcliff Huxable and there are enough lawyers in DC for him to find her. It also wouldn’t hurt for you to look like Beyoncé and he will encourage you to workout. (The status guy wants someone accomplished inside and out) If I tell a guy I need to drop a few pounds in Baltimore, he may say “where?” (how kind, sir). If I say it in DC he is asking me what I am going to do to reach that goal.

Anything to add to the list? Guys, what’s your take?

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