I know people are well meaning and no one asks these questions to be mean. It’s just that people tend to think the way they live their lives and the opportunities that have been afforded them are normal. If we’ve gone to college we don’t understand those who don’t? If we love the suburbs we can’t get why anyone would want to live in a congested city. If we are travel lovers we don’t get how there are people who have never left the country. But when it comes to being a single 30 something person, some things happen on purpose and some things happen by chance. And for the most part, it’s the latter. Therefore, asking a person in their late twenties and up these questions will rarely, if ever, provide you with a suitable answer. In fact, I provide matching questions that I find equally hard to answer to give a feel of just how difficult answering these questions can be.
- Don’t you still want to get married? Don’t you still want to have your health?: Unless I profess not wanting to get married, asking me if I still want to get married because you have deemed that I should have been married by now doesn’t help. Thanks for highlighting that I haven’t met “the one” yet.
- Why are you still single? Why haven’t you won the lotto? For those who want to find love, being single, for the most part, is not a conscious decision. It just is what it is. I haven’t turned down any respectable marriage proposals. I don’t think any answer to this question will result in anything meaningful beyond “I just haven’t found the right one” or “I’m taking a break on dating right now”. Does that answer really satisfy you?
- Why don’t you have kids? Why haven’t you lost that weight you’ve been talking about dropping? Ok, you might not want to really ask someone that but I find the first question equally annoying. Unless I have said that I don’t want kids. If I am not married and never have been, then your answer probably is that since I’m not married or divorced/widowed, I don’t have kids. I don’t think I’ve reached the time yet (is there a time?) where I am expected to actively get inseminated or adopt on my own. There should be no expectation that one must be a single mother (or father- do men get asked this question? Seriously if you are a 40 (because I think men get more time) year old man who was never married and had no kids, do people ask you this?).
- Why don’t you have a new/high end car? Why don’t you give me some money? I think people assume that you have all this money if you are single and without kids. I wish. I have a child and she is called a student loan. And if you have no dependents or property you aren’t getting as much back in your taxes. And not sharing the payment of rent/mortgage, utilities/cable/internet can add up for jut one person to pay.
- Why don’t you own a home yet? Will you co-sign for me? I am not a homeowner at this time for several reasons but I will tell you this, like I wrote earlier, it’s easier on the pockets to split a mortgage. And when something goes wrong with the house, I’m an old fashioned gal, I’d like he man to fix it.