Now I’m not doing this to be shady. I just really think that this could be helpful to those who care. And if there was a guy out there that has written a post to women about the dos and don’ts of online dating and what guys are really thinking or what works, I’d want to read it.
I can’t say I represent all women but most if not all of my circle of friends and acquaintances have dabbled in the tricky realm of online dating. So I prepared a follow up to my previous post to men about our gripes. This comes from women of different ages, races and backgrounds. If none of this applies to you, please ignore, but if you have ever done this before, well, here’s a good guess about how it was received.
Here are my next top three online gripes to ponder:
Pictures- We all know, whether we want to admit it or not, when it comes to online dating, a picture says a thousand words. If you are on a site like Tinder, where you don’t have much room to tell your life story, a picture becomes even more important. So guys, here is what I would suggest regarding the pictures you choose to post if you are looking for a gal who wants to settle down (if you are just in the market for a good time, disregard)
· Pics of you and other women- Not a good look especially if none of the women look remotely like the girl you are winking at (unless its family). Ok, women like you. We get it. But you didn’t have to post a pic of you and all the women on your softball team to prove it. Women don’t sell other women. I don’t go from thinking, eh, if only this guy had some chicks crowded around him in his pictures, then he’d be hot. It makes me think you are a bit douchy. And do these women know you have their faces out there like that?
· Pics of you being inappropriate- Especially if you are over 30 and definitely if you are over 40. I don’t know what message you are sending with you giving the camera the middle finger or mid action attempting some crazy activity when you are drunk. It makes me think that you are not serious at all especially about getting to know someone. A silly expression or funny costume is fine but there is a fine line between guy with a light/funny side and guy who is forever “drunk frat boy”.
· Pics of a car- And with you not in them too!? Okay, you drive. This is important but the picture doesn’t prove anything. Could be a nice car you just took a picture of for all I know. But really is this something we need to know via pictures? If this is important enough a woman will ask. The picture is wasted because it doesn’t tell me anything about you. Almost makes you look superficial unless you are appealing to car aficionados.
· Pics of pets- Most sites have a box to show if you have a pet or not. I don’t need to see you and your dog, especially in every picture. It starts to look unhealthy. Now if you have a snake, spider, tiger (I don’t know), just highlight that in your profile. If you want your dog to be part of the relationship (sighs) keep one picture up but limit it to one. If I put up a pic of me and my cat, especially more than one, I don’t think I’d be sending a positive message about myself.
- Not reading the profile. Many times I have received a boilerplate email that I know a guy has cut and pasted and sent out to twenty other women. The longer it is the more sure of that I am. But if you aren’t going to read a girl’s intro paragraph at least peruse her specifications of what she’s looking for. If a woman 10 or more years younger than you doesn’t have you in her age range, don’t write to her unless you are certain you can be an exception and that usually means you look like you are in the age range that she desires. A 20/30 year old doesn’t want to date Captain Kangaroo and if she does, you can probably assume you should be rich. If she’s agnostic and you are a preacher why are you writing to her? Focus, instead, on women/men who have no preferences or include you in their preferences.
- Don’t lie! Women might lie about weight online. I get it. But men lie too. About their age and so do women. This is a joint one. I mean I see some pictures and I think, surely they have knocked off ten years when listing their age, perhaps they were in a coma and didn’t know time had passed or maybe had a hard life, a really, really like national geographic, living in the dessert, hard life. I judge age by what I and my friends look like in our age group. If you look 10 years older than me but claim you’re actually a year or two younger, I’m raising an eyebrow. The eyebrow further reaches my hairline if all you post are pics of “hard” photos. Meaning you have no camera phone or digital camera photos you can upload. This makes me think that this Kodak photo you took a picture of is old and I get squinty eyed trying to figure out why you didn’t post a recent photo from this decade ( or are there really still people out there who only have non digital photos that they have to get developed now a days?) Just be honest. No one wants to be catfished. Sooner or later, the truth will reveal itself and if you watched catfish, the moral of the story is, no matter how long you’ve talked and how much phone chemistry you developed if you said you looked like Boris Kodjoe and show up looking like Flavor Flav, a person is not going to be forgiving.
Because sharing is caring…