Aggression and Dating

I wrote this post some time ago after watching a segment on The Today Show which I will discuss later in this post and recalling a random incident of aggression.

Let me explain, I once met this guy, gave him my number, he called on a Saturday, I was out and about and missed the call. He didn’t leave a message. Mind you when I first saw the missed call I didn’t realize it was him because I didn’t have his number. He called again a few hours later but I was still out and about. This time he left a message. I was with family/friends so I didn’t have time to chat and I texted him to explain. I was out of town and was just going to call him when I got back the next evening. Turns out, he proceeds to text me the next evening  as I’m walking in the door finally home and he asks me if I was free. I tell him that I was just coming home and was wiped out and asked if we could hang another day that week. I had assumed he was asking if I was free to hang.

He first responds, okay. Then he follows up with saying that he’ll pass on me and he’s moving on. I’m confused and annoyed. Does this guy think I am at his beckon call? The arrogance. I tell him glad he didn’t waste my time. This apparently sets him off because he proceeds to go on a tirade about black women always being too busy and if we were really interested we’d make time. He calls me ugly and the b word etc. and it goes on and on.

Obvious morale of the story is to be careful who you give your number to but in a deeper sense it got me thinking about how some men present themselves to women. This guy obviously had some issues (particularly with black women) and he felt he could freely say what he wanted. But I don’t know him, I didn’t know if he was going to try to find me and hurt me because I dared to not jump when he called.

This is funny but it’s also true.

So to the today show segment: they aired a video of an NY woman walking the streets receiving all sorts of verbal calls, some incidents very personal space invading. I’ve experienced this and so do many women on a regular basis. I really wish these men would take a pause before acting or speaking. What may seem as innocent to you may come off threatening to a woman who doesn’t know you. What she knows is that you are a stranger who could possibly overpower her and hurt her. A guy friend said that men are very instinctual and sometimes when they see a woman they don’t think before saying or doing something (like grabbing her butt). This is not an excuse and it is not okay. This reminds me of the ban a sorority placed on it’s members at UVA from attending certain frat parties for fear that things could get out of hand.

I have had guys follow me when I am walking on the street, put hands on me when I am out ( and in some cases when I asked them to stop they would not or they would laugh at me).

Soo if a guy feels comfortable putting hands on us what’s to make him stop from doing something further? Why are women forced to accept or take responsibility for some men’s “inability” to control themselves? The women’s equality movement did not release men from acting like gentlemen and keeping their hands to themselves.

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