First Date- Food Matters

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I never used to really recognize the importance of the dinner date until a friend pointed it out to me. I was fine with a happy hour or meeting for coffee. A friend stressed the importance of feeling valued by her suitor and part of that was having food on the first date. I will admit it does make a gal feel special if the guy takes the time to pick a nice place to eat on the first date. At the very least it’s showing the guy is willing to spend some time with you instead of just grabbing a drink and bouncing.

I once had a guy announce to me on a date that he does not pay for food on first dates. This after inviting me out to a restaurant during dinner time. He just wanted to do drinks. I told him that I needed to eat and proceeded to end the date (no way was I going to pay for my own food on date one, call me old fashioned). He then quickly changed his mind and said he would make an exception for me. How sweet.

So, you make it to date one and you lucked out and food is involved (brunch, lunch, dinner, it’s all good) here are some things that can make for an awkward first time food (and drink) dating experience:

The Dieter- So I get the side eye from a guy when I order a salad on a date (oh you’re one of those girls) but, call me a hypocrite, I can’t help but raise an internal eyebrow when a guy orders a salad as well. I’m not saying he has to order a steak and fries but, dagnabit if he orders a salad that means I have to order one too (to keep up appearances and such). Then I began to wonder if  this is a food conscious guy (because, welp, I’m not really). So that means I have to pretend I am too (Ok I don’t have to but I don’t want to look greedy, especially because I’m not skinny). So already the food portion of the date is a no go and caused me concern so the conversation should be outstanding!

The Overdrinker- Ok, I don’t judge heavy drinkers but on a first date we need limits. bad-date-1The Millionaire Matchmaker says a two drink maximum and I agree. I’ve actually gone out on a first date with a guy who was tipsy by the time I got there.  I get it, a drink can take a little of the nerves off but darn, you aren’t meeting Beyoncé, it’s just me (I kid). And for the guys who toss them back during the date, I do wonder if they have a drinking problem or are just trying to get me drunk too so they can have a “night cap”. Nothing good comes of a first date filled with binge drinking at least not for me!

The Cheapie- So I already mentioned that not taking a girl out for food on a first date can seem unimpressive. Yes, women want to be wooed. Now that doesn’t mean breaking the bank at some five star restaurant. But it also doesn’t mean taking them to Denny’s at 4pm. Work within your means, and if you are tight on funds be inventive. I don’t mind eating at the bar during happy hour at a nice restaurant. If you caught a deal for a high end restaurant on Groupon, hey I’m game. It’s the thought you put into it that counts.

The Orderer- Somewhere in time it was seen as gentlemanly to order food for the woman and at some point it went out of style. So when a guy happens to do this I don’t mind. Hey, I’m an old school courting type o gal. However, you’ll pull out the new school in me if you order for me without seeking my input. Sure, tell the waiter that I want the trout after I told you I want the trout. Don’t tell the waiter what I’ll be eating without discussing it with me. Or order a shared appetizer without asking me if I wanted to eat it. I once had a guy do that and being that there are certain things I don’t eat (like red meat), I had to cut in and tell him could we get something else. It was slightly awkward but we got through it.

The Techie- I’ve said it many times before but I’ll say it again, Go Off The Grid! thIM3VT809At least for a little while. Keep your phone (or phones) off the table, take the blue tooth out and those new blue tooth necklace things. Unless you are expecting an important call from the president is it so bad to unplug for an hour or two? And if I see you so plugged in all the time then my expectation is that you are always that way (so no excuse later on when I call that you left your phone at home or your phone died- LIES). It really makes a gal feel special if you can just focus your attention on her at that moment. Give it a try.

What are some of your first date food and drink no-nos?

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Not Without My Hair

I’m a naturalista (not sure who came up with that term but thanks) but planning out how my hair is going to look and be maintained has become a factor in my travels since I studied abroad in the early 2000s. I like to diversify my look and I know that my hair is not weather friendly so I have to plan how I will do my hair before I hit the road.

So here are some things to consider and tips to avoid a hair disaster when traveling overseas with naturally curly hair:

  • Will my curling iron work in this country if I choose to go with a straight look? Sure you can get an adapter but they don’t always work. I’m looking at you Italy where a girl had gotten her hair freshly blown out and her adapter did NOT work the whole time with her curling iron. Somehow, with the help of bobby pins and a satin scarf I was able to maintain my unrelaxed hair. Morale of the story? Always prepare for the break down of your adapter. shiny
  • Will my hair be patted down at the airport and do I care? The bigger the curl the bigger the chance. I won’t jump to the idea that its discrimination and instead look at it in a practical way. I have forgotten I stuck pencils in my curly fro so it’s possible a TSA agent would want to touch the hair while going through security. This is also true if you are wearing wigs or weaves.
  • Do I want to wear a protective style? Speaking of wigs and weaves. Sometimes the easiest option or back up is a wig. Also you could wear a braided style which is the easiest of them all. You don’t have to worry about adapters or the weather.

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    I really want this hair style for the summer

  • Am I checking luggage? This is a question that actually matters because if I wear my hair in its natural state I have a few products (aka liquids) that have to be considered. I have some that I put in small containers so that they can go in the boarding size. However, if I’m going for a longer period of time I have to check my bag because I’ll have too much product.
  • Does the destination I am going to have shops where I can find my hair products?
    Natural-Hair-Care-Products-for-African-Americans

    I found a display like this in Amsterdam but won’t hold my breath for this in Thailand.

    If I really don’t want to check in my bag and just chance it with the small amount of product I carry on board then I need to consider whether the city I am visiting sells products for my hair type. Back in the day this was an actual concern but many of the towns I visit nowadays carry natural hair care product lines. However, if I’m visiting Budapest or Hong Kong, I won’t be expecting to see my hair care lines so this might play a role in what hair style choice I plan.

So maybe these considerations seem silly but if you have ever lost luggage where all your hair care products resided, had to buy a curling iron because your adapter didn’t work or had to scower a town (never to find) products to style your hair, trust me you don’t want to. Call me vain, but a type a cosmo girl likes to look nice when she’s traveling.

 

 

Top single gal pal movies

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The one thing a type A cosmo girl needs is some good gal pals. Whether we are getting together over brunch, drinks or shopping or traveling, I have to have my pals to dish with. Since it’s Women’s History Month I want to dedicate the next couple of posts to women and friendship. And as a movie buff I thought what better starter post then my top five female gal pal movies.

Now I must give a disclaimer, I will have some glaring omitions but I’m a comedy gal so I am picking my favorite light hearted female gal pal movies: Top female pal movies-

The Other Woman- this is a new one and I really liked how they turned a movie that could have just focused on women fighting over a man and showed the women embracing each other and becoming great friends in their quest for revenge. th5GQE5EGQ

Bridesmaids- I love female comedies that just aren’t your typical rom coms. While there is nothing wrong with having a guy interest what I liked about this film is that it really relies on the females to bring the funny.  We just aren’t the straight person bridesmaidsto the funny guy. Melissa McCarthy and Kristin Wiig are an awesome comedy team, can’t wait to see them in the new Ghostbusters movie.

Sex and the City- I have to put this up here because I am still in love with the series. This movie I loved for the fashion and the friendship (I refuse to tarnish my memory by acknowledging the second sex and the citymovie). It made me want friends who will have your back like they did.

The First Wives Club- I can’t express how much I love this movie. This is real female empowerment. And yes, it’s another revenge plot like The Other Woman, but in the process these estranged friends come back together and turn awful events in their lives into something positive. Plus the different personalities of Goldie Hawn, Bette Midler and Dianne Keaton really played well off each other. first wives

Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion- I’m the Mary and You’re the Rhoda. I’m sorry I looove this movie. It’s super silly but super fun and relatable (who actually loves going to reunions especially when you aren’t where you thought you’d be). And I like the idea of these girls standing up to the mean girls of their past but in a different way than they expected. romy

Honorable Mentions-  9 to 5, Pitch Perfect, Clueless, Legally Blonde

What are some of your favorite gal pal movies?

 

Dating Detox

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I’m currently reading a book called Dating Detox in which a woman takes a three month break from dating/flirting/hanging out with guys. The talk show The Real, recently spoke about going on a dating hiatus. I have friends who are taking breaks (or sabbaticals) from dating. Apparently I am being given some signs that I finally need to see. People go on dating breaks for many reasons: find themselves, get over fears of being alone. These aren’t my issues. I know who I am and I’m pretty much a pro at being independent and on my own (probably to a fault). So going on dating breaks nowadays just didn’t seem to appeal to me.

Until now.

Dating stopped being fun. And when it stops being fun you stop attracting what you want. I got to the point where I was starting to call dates- interdates (combination of an interview and a date) or meetings (or as a friend calls them “meet and greets”). When a date went well I had to qualify it with a “we will see” or “or so he says”  or “you never know with these guys”. funny-memes-starting-dating-again-700x700

In short, I was becoming a cynic. And did things get better? Nope, not really. As a believer in the Law of Attraction, I firmly believe that if you are in a negative mood you will attract more negativity. If dating had become more work full of distrust, un-fulfilment and disappointment then that’s what I would continue to get.

4952098_f520So now the idea of going on a dating detox sounds a bit appealing. Why focus energy on something that just isn’t bringing me happiness and then just getting more frustration as a result? What is appealing about the detox, and the book highlights this, is that you focus on other things in your life that bring you happiness. As a result it brings more happiness to you. In the book the narrator got a lot more attention from men but she was on her detox and kept them at bay, which in some cases saved her the trouble of dating jerks.

I am not sure yet if I will do a detox but I am certainly going to be more discerning when dating. If I’m not feeling it, I’m not going to push myself. If I’m feeling cynical I’m not going to go out. I have many other things to focus my energy on that bring me joy and I’d rather stay in that positive space.

Disappearing Acts

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There’s a dark area of dating that almost everyone experiences but no one talks about (except on maybe Sex and the City). You meet a guy (or girl) have a great time and think there is real potential only for the person to just disappear out of the blue. You sit confused trying to figure out what went wrong. You talk to your friends and retrace your steps but nothing leads to a satisfying answer. Miranda (in SATC) mentioned that she liked to think they died and in one episode of a guy who stood her up, he actually did die (she met a new guy at his funeral though).  I slightly modified this and stated that they go ghost but apparently this is also now a term in the urban dictionary so I wasn’t so unique. I have a friend who wonders if they have all gone to an island. Kind of like the Misfit Toys although I much prefer it be like the island on Lost (which was, if I understood it right, purgatory so its going ghost too).

No matter where thesth0IPBMLOJe people go the outcome remains that the disappearance is frustrating. I’m not talking about someone you’ve had a few superficial, short chats with on the phone or over text or maybe had one short date with. If you disappear after a uniquely long date (3 or more hours), weeks of conversation, or after going out on several dates where chemistry was hopefully present then the least a person can do is be a man (or woman) and say, “you know what, I just don’t think we have that connection” or “I ran into my soul mate after leaving our date”. I don’t know, something better than ignoring a person.

And there is no pattern. In this superficial, digital age, anyone can go ghost: a nerd, a jock, a playboy, young, old, white, black, male, female. You can play over each conversation or look you had on the dates (did you have a boogie, does that qualify for going ghost?). Ultimately, it doesn’t matter. Because going ghost is a punk, lazy thing to do. And as nice as we profess to be, when it comes to dating, even a sweetheart can become the perpetrator of a disappearing act. It’s just so easy.

The key for those who “get ghosted” is to not internalize it. Stop wondering what went wrong, maybe nothing went wrong. Maybe the guy (or girl) is a flake who got easily distracted by another person. Or as Patti Stranger (The Millionaire Matchmaker) says, perhaps the person is constantly on the search for the “bigger, better, deal”. You could be a Beyoncé look a like with a Michelle Obama mind and the guy still make be looking for something “better”. And living in a transient area like D.C. that is often the case since there are so many women and so many new people coming and going. I take great comfort when those guys who have gone ghost on me looking for the bigger better deal are still single or try to rear their ugly heads again my way. Since they are ghost I have no problem ignoring them, since I don’t have a sixth sense and cannot see dead people.

And if the guy is not somebody who is searching for better but maybe just was super picky or analytical about the way you look or something you said do you really want that turd? I once knew a guy who didn’t like women who wore weaves. Everything else about the girl was fine with him though. Again, this is not a problem that is yours, it’s the other persons and you’d never feel comfortable being with someone so picky or flaky anyway.

And of course, well, the person really could have died. Then that would be sad. Perhaps we should just pray for the souls of those who go ghost. What with them being dead and all.