Decoding Man Part Two

So we enter second of a three part posting on dating questions answered by guys I know. If you recall I came to the conclusion in part one that some “mysterious” behavior we have encountered from some guys is just a sign that “he’s just not that into us” for various reasons. Here are some additional questions, answers and my takeaways.

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  1. Why is he contacting me after “going ghost” for several months? (Going ghost means disappearing). He was in a relationship and now is not and you popped back on his mind. You might just be the person he goes to while he heals from the break up or that he made a mistake letting you slip away so soon. But most said, you are a contingency plan or “fall back chick”.

I have written a whole post on this idea of “going ghost”. I think just about every person in the dating world has encountered this (and even done this to someone). Regardless of the answer, the outcome is the same: there was someone else, you did not get the rose. And that’s fine. The question to ask yourself now is are you willing to be the second choice? Is it about ego? Because nine times out of ten , we are all someones next choice unless we started dating the person when we were 12 years old. It just sucks to know we are not the first choice. If you are willing to acknowlege a guy who reappears after going ghost then maybe acknowlege the elephant in the room (that he disappeared) and hear him out. Make sure he makes a real effort the second time around (while still being nice) and proceed with caution (because once they go ghost they can easily do it again).

2.Do guys really judge us on how we dress when we first meet them? The biggest response was yes. And sexy is preferred (I even had a guy mention wanting to see red). Another guy says “stay ready” even when going to the gym.

But we judge fellas too so it’s fair! Sure we want people to see the beauty inside and we can complain about how people are so superficial but I think it’s time we embrace the reality that looks matter. However, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and fortunately (outside of what media shows us) we can have our own ideas of what we are attracted to. The key is just to showcase your best (while being authentic). You want a guy to remember your conversation but he’s also going to remember your eyes (or that cute red dress) so hit the at all angles!

3.Why does he only text and not call? Sign of the times. It’s easy and folks don’t like the phone like that (at least for talking) anymore. We multi task now. It also goes to nerves and one guy said he only talks to women he is serious about. On a more sinister note, he could also be in a relationship (with a live in woman or wife) and talking on the phone is then not an option. But that wasn’t the main response so I’d be hesitant to automatically go there in my mind (just don’t rule it out).

However, if you don’t see the guy often (maybe once a week or a couple times a month) and you don’t talk on the phone, how are you building a connection?  I don’t need to see a guy everyday but text are hardly a substitute to meeting face to face or talking on the phone. Especially in the beginning of the courtship.

I’ll admit I’m one of these people. If someone calls me I feel like its because something is wrong. I’d rather talk in person. Crazy how back in the day I could be on the phone to my boyfriend for hours darn near every night! Now if I talk to a guy for thirty/ sixty minutes I feel accomplished.

4. Are some guys lying when they say they are looking for something serious? Some might not lie but just not be prepared for what it really entails or they are looking for serious but just not with you. And some guys admitted that some men are lying so they can have sex with you.

The reality is pay more attention to what someone does over what they say. It’s so easy to say the sweetest things (or send the nicest text). It doesn’t take much.

My takeaway from this? Dating takes energy. And many of us (women and men) are getting lazy. If we put the effort in the payout can be fulfilling. And most importantly, if we really like someone we WILL make a way to stay connected. We won’t be able to help it. So if a guy goes ghost, he just wasn’t into you. There is no being too busy or didn’t feel like calling. He won’t be able to stay away. No mystery.

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